I have no idea. I just noticed that I tend to suddenly lose my calm and snap at them. I used to have a lot of patience, maybe that’s why I tend to burst in anger now, since I tolerated for too long without setting boundaries. I will keep reminding them of my boundaries, by saying “I will not tolerate it.” One of the most annoying things is their questioning style. Here’s an example
“How many times should I tell you to rinse the dishes? Why can’t you do it just the first time I tell you? You should do it immediately. How long should I wait?”
“Dad, I will not tolerate it if you talk like that.”
“Like what”
“Like what you said just now”
“What did I say”
“You said, how many times should I tell you”
“Yeah because you forget and postpone and do it unwillingly, I don’t even feel like telling you.”
(Me internally- so what the **** should I do!)
And I reply- “I still won’t tolerate it”
“I can’t even tell you anything now, everything is a problem”
(What should I even reply??)
What I would love to reply- sorry dad but my boundaries are the same
Possible reply of his- “okay do whatever you want, I am not even important in this house”
Or
“What boundaries? When we were young we never had such things.”
Me- “Times have changed”
(Mocking) “times have changed blah blah, if you talk to my parents you’ll see how it is.”
“Sorry about that”
“Don’t be sorry! It’s meaningless”
“My boundaries are the same”
“What boundaries do you need for this? All I’m asking is keep the kitchen clean and you’re talking like this”
“I’ll keep it clean only if you talk nicely”
“What nicely? I’m talking nicely”
“No. Not to me”
“What do you mean? I am so understanding”
“Not to me”
“No one cares about me in this house”
“I do, and still have my own needs too.”
“What sort of a need is talking nicely? How does it even help you? The point is to keep the kitchen clean, and you’re changing the topic”
What I’d love to reply-so why don’t YOU do anything then? Like cleaning up/cooking etc.
But he’ll say I’m old, I’ve worked all my life and I hate housework. (Im already doing a chunk of the housework. It’s as good as living alone!)
I swear I don’t know what to say next.