My Support Forums - View Single Post - Had The Strength to Leave My Husband Today

LadyShadow · 05:57 PM

So, this is the original thread of what happened:

Had The Strength to Leave My Husband Today

Hey everyone,

Just wanted everyone to know that if you're in a bad situation, you don't have to stay in it forever. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think it was possible because I love my husband so much, but after last night's abuse and me locking myself in our bedroom, I had no choice but to have him involuntarily committed for his violence and not taking his meds.

It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

I am fat and ugly with very low self-esteem. I didn't think it would be possible that I would ever fall in love, because of how bad I have always felt about myself. So, I settled. I settled for a man that I didn't really have a lot in common with, but just someone who needed me so much they showed me unconditional love. That's what I needed. Just someone who would love me.

So now tonight he is going to bed in a psych ward, because I had him taken off our lease and changed our locks. Maybe it hasn't settled yet completely. The fact that I am all alone now, or that he's all alone. But I had to do this for my safety as well as my mental health. What could have I done differently is the question I keep asking myself. He kept hearing voices, the worse one was he kept hearing my voice telling him horrible things in which he would say "Lynn stop talking shyt to me or shut the F up" when I wasn't even saying anything, he was hearing it in his head. The mental and verbal abuse had me living in fear. I wish he would have taken his meds when he was supposed to, but I couldn't force him. I stopped him from doing drugs but to make him take meds too? It felt like so much on my shoulders when I suffer from my own mental health issues too.

I'm hurting tonight. I feel like I did the right thing, but I am having flashbacks of his face in my mind, and the tears are welling up in my eyes. Why does life have to be this hard?

All I know is, if I didn't spend 10 months in jail and 18 months in rehab and then another 9 months in a sober living house, would I have had the strength to leave him today. I worked so hard to gain back my independence, that I can't throw it away so easily for someone else no matter how much I love them.

I just wanted to express my gratitude for this forum always being here to get me through these times.

I'm looking to make some friends too, so please say hello in the comments below.

Thanks again.

This is what happened on Thursday 12/28/23

I came home from work and found the lights on in my apartment. I didn't know what to think but when I opened the door, I found my husband in my apartment. The Sheriff brought him from 3 hours away and dropped him off at his last known address. Apparently, they released him and didn't notify ANYONE even though, as mentioned above, it was a very dangerous situation. I had changed the locks, but he got in, apparently, I didn't close the door hard enough.

I didn't know what to do. He was promising to take his meds and he seemed like his old self after being two weeks in the hospital. I was going to give him a second chance. I called my dad, and he was furious. He said he was just going to go back to his abusive self in a few weeks and refuse to take his meds again and insisted my husband leave. Him and my mom drove from 45 minutes away and made sure he left. He had nowhere to go so we made the decision to send him on a Greyhound back to NY to his mom. We had to drove an hour away at 11pm at night for the nearest bus that night because he had nowhere to go, and I refused to let him stay on my couch.

It was an emotional and painful night. I said my goodbyes at the bus stop and it felt like a tragedy even though it was the absolute right thing to do. He has been doing this for years, and you guys don't even know the whole story - I served 10 months in jail because of this man.

This was the last and final time. The past few days have tested both my mental health and my sobriety. We didn't know if he had made it to NY for two days because he had never made it to his mom's house. I feared he was dead because I sent him with $300 of his money and I thought he may have found drugs out there and overdosed. I wanted to drink so badly, feeling guilt that I didn't try hard enough.

But he did make it, and he's doing fine. I haven't been taking his phone calls, because now that he is at his mom's all the way in NY, I can let go. My parents are superheroes I swear, because without them I would never have had the strength to do this.

This too shall pass they say, and even though my heart is empty, and I miss him terribly even after all of this, I know that I have to move on. I wouldn't have had the strength if it wasn't for a forum like this and all the resources I have available here in my town.

To the people who had commented on my original post, your wise words got me through this. I visited this site every day and reread everything you said.

This is a new year, and I believe God gave a second chance for a better life.