You can’t change how other people do things. But you also don’t need anyone’s permission to call a plumber.

I never ask my husband to call anyone. Whoever notices the issue first mentions it to the other person so we are on the same page and schedules whatever maintenance we need. We do need to consult with each other to make sure one of us is home as we both work.

But you don’t work. You don’t even need to ask him to be home. Now I understand that maybe you feel you can’t call a plumber because you don’t have your own money but you are married and have been with this man for 30 years! My sister in law doesn’t work. She doesn’t ask my brothers permission to call maintenance. That’s not how marriage works

When plumber arrives, write him a check. From joint account. You seem to live like a captive or a child or a woman in medieval times.

If you are afraid of him, what’s he going to do? Yell? Let him yell. If he gets violent, waves his gun like he did before, call the police. Let law enforcement interfere