I still haven't managed to launch myself into a normal state of mind. I think about asking my PCP for a referral to psych services. Then I back off of that idea. Last spring, my PCP offered to refer me to be seen by a therapist. I waited to hear about an appointment. It never happened. I guess she just forgot . . . or something. It wasn't the first time she made an offer and didn't follow through.

Over the years, I was told multiple times that I did not seem to have any real psych problem. Back over 30 years ago, I went to the psych services center near me. While an intake nurse was interviewing me, we could hear a male patient yelling and kicking up a fuss, further down the hall. The nurse with me said, "We tend to prioritize a person like him over a person like you." I ended up agreeing to just go home. A few days later, I bought a gun. Some years back, this psych center was in the news. A woman who went there seeking help was turned away. A few hours later, she hung herself. Her family was suing.

I think I better just try to clean up my apartment. Getting that done would make me feel better. Then I need to find activities in my community to participate in. Every evening I say that I'll do better tomorrow. Then, the next day, I fail to make progress. I need to make specific plans and a schedule. The thought of doing that makes me want to go back to bed. This tiredness is awful.

I just have to make myself do what I know I need to do. I think that tomorrow I will make an appointment with a person who will help me clean up my place. I've hired this person in the past. She's expensive, but worth the money.