Wouldn't disability vocational services be reserved for only those individuals who are receiving disability benefits already?

I don't think at all that the OP is not trying to help herself. What I hear is a lot of exasperation from the OP on not finding the right avenues and resources for actual real help and a lot of frustration as a result of many dead ends.

@jesyka, you cannot change your husband's behaviors or treatment of you. It's horrifying and astounding to me that he refuses to fix your own shower. This man is very controlling and as you said, is beyond cheap. You're not going to be able to change that. It's unfortunate that you're dependent on him financially.

The key for you will be to find a means to become independent so that you can leave him. I don't have the answers to that, but again, I question whether DISABILITY vocational services would even be available to you, someone who is not receiving disability benefits.