So, today is my 53rd birthday. I posted on Facebook that I was happy to make it to 53..
I posted that it was my birthday on FB to a group I belong to and everyone in the group posted birthday wishes. That made me feel better despite being from strangers.
When I got to my job, there were 2 cupcakes from the firm administrator and 2 of the paralegals wished me a happy birthday, as did 2 of the attorneys. That was nice. I ate one cupcake, and gave the 2nd cupcake to the other legal assistant as a "congratulations on your 30 days here" gesture. She appreciated that.
Here comes the double whammy part.
Then, my mom's best friend texted my sister and I that she arranged a mass in our mom's memory on the one year anniversary of our mom's death. I got the day off of work. My sister's text was a LIE (prob to cover her contempt for our mom or her insecurity, or her immaturity), "I have to see if I can get coverage. Thanks for arranging that mass." WTF. This is our mother. Who responds so callously? I get it. She hates my guts. Our brother hates my guts. Those two have always been in cahoots with each other and don't include me on their family vacations together, etc. I'm a stranger they are related to. I get it.
I don't know why I feel insulted. I feel like my sister's tepid response was due to her inability to be transparent, and be emotionally mature.
The double whammy is:
1) Today is my birthday.
2) My mom's friend texted me that she arranged for a mass in my mom's memory which I got the day off of work to attend (and my two siblings couldn't get two ****s about going to, b/c they despise me and prob b/c they just don't care as much as I do). Maybe I am emotionally immature for not recognizing that they are allowed to feel the way that they do, act they way that they act, and whether or not it has anything to do with me, is moot and I need to let it go. I can see that. But I'm still mad as hell at these two idiots who are my siblings. We had one mother. Imperfect. But for them to be such assholes and so dismissive shows me how disrespectful they truly are to our mother's memory.
Maybe I'm wrong to be upset. I don't know. I just can't believe I will be the only family member at our mother's memorial mass that is just for HER.