I think what's driving this, right now, is that I got no phone call over the holidays from my family. One of my sisters texted that she had COVID. My other sister has simply "ghosted" me for the past 2 years. This is very hurtful, and I don't fully understand it. A year ago, I tried to talk with this sister. I got nowhere. So her being so cold to me, on top of my brother being the way he was, leaves me with such a sense of loss. I was a pretty good sister to both of them. People can be awful mean. I need to shift my focus away from them and put it on what human connections I can make here where I live. I thought that sister was my best friend. It was a delusion. I have to wake up from being deluded. If my boyfriend were still here, I wouldn't care so much. But my siblings were all I had left, after he died. They're thousands of miles distant from me. But believing they cared was something to hold onto. I never bothered them or sought for much attention from them. One sister does keep in touch with texts, but doesn't like phone calls. The other sister just offers nothing. On New Year's Day, she sent me a "gif" that was a graphic, saying Happy New Year. No text with it. Just a gif. I take that as her passive-aggressive way of punishing me. I do not deserve that. I need to give up on her.