It’s something I have struggled with..

I have been seen as mentally ill but my family uses it as a tool for manipulation so they can seem like martyrs/ victims.

When I began exploring the labels I was given- like bipolar- a confusing picture unraveled that wasn’t manic episodes dispersed with depression- but anxiety, distress and dissociation.

I do take meds and they probably help.

I just remember my mother using my mental illness as a tool to control me, but never actually help me.

I couldn’t talk to a therapist if I requested one and when I did I was met with physical abuse for making my mom look bad. Psych wards were used as threats and an attempt at putting me in a care facility long term was attempted when I was 15.

It never happened because my mother probably didn’t want to be exposed. I do remember accidentally finding forms in her purse for the youth facility. My mother lied about it, and when I said I had to go to hospital to address my issues as a young adult she denied it and shut me down. It hurt so much. She always told lies when I tried to talk about my history,

I started experiencing emotional abuse from extended family (mom’s side) and they were awful. They would scream at me and just twist everything to their liking. In the end they started attempting to gaslight me and say I made up the abuse. They tried to accuse me of harassment after verbally disparaging me. They tried to insist I was in a psychotic episode.

I feel like the longer I was around them the more my mental health would suffer. I remember telling my aunt that the doctor just thinks I have an anxiety disorder, and her disappointment that it wasn’t a more serious label. I think she was hoping I’d be diagnosed with schizophrenia despite being able to maintain level headed conversations with her, even when she went super-sian Karen.