My mom let me back in when I begged her to see Lu and she was concerned about my weight loss and impressed that I wasn't on anything (I was sober and did not tell her I've been drinking pretty much since the New Year), so, here I am. Lu died Thursday. So I watched that all day knowing my mom would be pissed if I brought Lu to the vet without her and she wouldn't answer any of myy calls or texts. It was either a progressing stroke or a brain tumor, and I guess she probably had acute on chronic kidney failure too. No chance at saving her. She lived a good 20 years. Everyone called her a bytch but I loved her despite (maybe because of) her aloofness and I think she loved me too.
I'm going to stay for the other cats. Pemi's been awfully clingy and Saco seems depressed (Lu was his hot lantina cougar). Bo-Lu's brother- is acting like he's next. When he goes I'm going to ask if I can take Pemi and Saco with me wherever I go, not back to S's unless we can figure out a way to get our music out there (soundcloud?)
Heard back from the eating disorder inpatient and I "do not meet criteria." I guess you have to have already died to get in or something
So, yeah, too sick for PHP, not sick enough for inpatient, insurance won't cover residential...no treatment for me I guess. Pretty sure my potassium's low again becasue for the life of me I can't play guitar again due to muscle issues, am twitching like crazy, and my legs are starting to get so weak they give out again and I'm tired all the time again.
Tried to moderate my drinking. Managed to make a fifth of vodka last two days. Not really moderation so I'm doing the sobriety thing again.
Idk if anyone even reads this at this point, but I think y'all are the reason I'm still here. I've always thought of responses as just ingenuine text, but I think I know if no one here cared no one would read/respond/hug. Might be wrong about that, but if you made it this far I do appreciate you and I care about and am astonished by everyone on this board that deals with mental illness. We're all badasses living when "manic depression's a frustrating mess."
Peace my friends
