Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
To the therapist or here or both?
To me, and obviously I could be wrong, it seems this is your pattern when the therapist says no to some request (both this guy and exmc). You ask for something usually around more contact or info about them, the therapist doesn't respond how you want, and then there is this aftermath - I am wondering if it is more shame around asking and being told no - The asking isn't particularly a wrong thing to do - the stuck part is in how when the answer is no - you get extremely worked up and then go through all of this time and time again.
Or not - just my thoughts.
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I guess both? And I know this is my pattern.
I do think it's more shame around asking and being told no. Actually, I don't even think it's the "no" so much as his suddenly shifting his demeanor and tone if I ask about something like that (he confirmed the shift, so I read him correctly). Because that makes me feel like I did something wrong. If he just stayed as he'd been earlier in the session and simply said "no, I'd prefer not to do that," it would hit me differently.
It threw me because I wasn't even thinking this was a big ask. Honestly, I wasn't even asking him, but saying, "I kind of wish I could do this." (I guess it was a veiled question.) But apparently, it triggered all these thoughts about boundaries and implications for Dr. T (he said this in his email response--I'm not just assuming). He did say he doesn't want me to feel shame about it and said he hoped we could get to a better place about it Monday. So we'll see, I guess.