My Support Forums - View Single Post - Should I tell my therapist this or do you think she'll send me back IP?

MuddyBoots · Jan 07, 2024, 04:16 AM

I mean, I don't consistently feel sui, but it comes frequently, but I know how to handle those thoughts and feelings for now, just sometimes I feel like I can't handle things anymore.

But the other day I got rejected from another eating disorder treatment program. A straight up, "no, you can't do IP, you can't do residential, and you can't do PHP here" and this is the third treatment center that said they couldn't take me. I'm out of in person PHP options, even if I drive 1.5 hours one way. The only virtual I applied to is out too.

Possible trigger:

When I received yet another rejection I came very close to committing suicide. The method I would have gone with would've been a pretty certain death, and I was seconds away from doing it. And the next day I was still pissed about "not meeting criteria" for IP but "needing a higher level of care" than PHP and not knowing any residential options that take my insurance so over an hour or so I drank and purged about a gallon of distilled water to purposely fk up my potassium even more than it already is.

I did realize how stupid that was when I started showing symptoms so when my stomach was empty and I peed, I drank tap water and had a smoothie with bananas, spinach, milk, and yogurt to raise my potassium a little.

Possible trigger:

I still want to/do the water purging thing but I stop after my fingers are covered in blood and there are "coffee grounds" (old blood clumps) in the toilet/bucket/whatever which doesn't take that long. Don't worry my gastro said there's nothing majorly wrong and I just need to take pantoprazole which I have been on for half a year now so the blood is a no biggie.

Should I tell my treatment team (they communicate with each other so telling one is telling all) or do I avoid another trip to the psych ward?