I do agree that wanting a relationship and family is a normal thing and not unusual.

However some things that you experience and how you go about that indicates that you need some help. It’s ok not to want therapy but some things do need to be done to help you. I’d focus on looking for a therapist who specializes in BPD. Yes you might feel worse after a session. It’s not uncommon

Are you still friends with this man? I question his integrity. If a male friend declared he’s in love with me and wants sex with me and randomly wants to adopt my child (?), I’d cut the ties because it’s not only bad for me, it’s unfair to him. If this friend keeps hanging out with you, he’s contributing to a problem