I'm 5 days into T's vacation, and it's 7 days until I see him again. I feel like I'm kind of in the pit. I'm so used to knowing he's "there" and having him gone feels really bad.

Before he left, we really focused on feeling the connection between us....but as time goes by, I just can't quite feel it in the same way. I keep remembering him reaching out and holding my hand during our last session - and while that does feel good, it just feels far away.

I've been journaling about how I feel and what's going on. He told me to try to hold on to the sadness that I felt when he was leaving - I think because that sadness meant that I felt attached to him, and connected. And probably because I don't "do" sadness, and I'm sure being able to feel that and stay with it is forward movement for me. I guess I do still feel sad, but it's a different kind of sad. Just kind of a lonely sad.

He left me a message on my phone, and I've listened to it, but I miss HIM. I called his voice mail today, thinking I could listen to his usual message (this is one of his suggestions for me when feel disconnected) and instead of the usual message, there was a different message about him being gone from 6/12 - 6/23 with the numbers of back up therapists to call in case of emergency. Blah.

Huh - I just looked at the time typing this post and noticed it's 1pm. I see him twice a week - 1pm on Monday is one of my times. Maybe that's why I'm feeling it so much right now.

I know, I know, I'm being a big baby. Still, this feels really bad.