When you live with someone who exhibits different behaviors some of which are toxic it has an effect on your nervous system. Without realizing it a person can begin developing unhealthy patterns in themselves as a way of reducing this constant disruption experienced in the nervous system.

From what you shared you and your children pretty much lived in a hyper vigilant state. You described just hoping for the two or three days when your wife was nice and things felt positive. This is known as bread crumbing and manipulation and has nothing to do with love, care, or respect.
If you remember your wife would often conclude these episodes with being cold and letting you know you were slated to her discarding you.

You are no longer part of her sick game, you have been learning to see the reality of who your wife really is. The fact that you experience anger is normal and shows you are gaining in seeing the toxic reality for what it really is and who she really is as a person

You are at a bit of an awkward stage in that you feel anger, you don’t want to act out in unhealthy ways from that anger. Your wife will continue to be resentful and entitled and look for ways to get you upset. You are gaining in your ability to see this. I think what you are not sure of at this point is how to react. You don’t have to respond, just refer to your lawyer. Lawyers see this toxic stuff all the time.