Tomorrow is the 25th anniversary of I feel lousy. It's the worst time of year because i have survived the Christmas holidays and then am confronted with how empty my life is. I think of things that have happened these past 25 years that i am glad i lived to experience: Scrabble, my drop-ins, my dog, people i've known. It doesn't add up to a lot tho.

I know it's just the mild depression and boredom talking. I got some relief listening to depressing music. At least it's a shared experience. The weather isn't helping. It's very cold and i'm wearing my Winter jacket inside because the heating in the building is so inadequate. Hood up and everything.

I guess i just have to endure. What is the point tho? There is no point. I've tried as hard as i can to die. I won't risk I'm just living because i failed. I'm not taking care of my health. Maybe i'll get lucky and die of neglect.