Yesterday the despair was so bad that for a brief moment, for literally a split second, for less than a split second I thought that one can kill oneself from it. That was not surprising though since my mind defaults to suicidal ideation at odds moments. But the despair was warranted: I would eat a HIGH PROTEIN meal (two hard boiled eggs, a 0% single serve plain Fage yogurt, and a piece of cheese, all together), have tea, still not feel truly full, and in less than two hours feel those dreadful pangs again. I could not escape. And with the pangs, anxiety would spike.

I even read about leptin resistance, an area that has not been well researched, and started suspecting that that is what I have.

I thought yesterday that how ironic it is that I am now on a trio of meds that are supposed to reduce hunger: Mounjaro that has stopped working, Topamax and now amphetamine which I have started taking for narcolepsy (I do not suffer from ADHD). And the trio does not help.

Then last night I was suddenly excited, happy, and not sleepy at all. I suspected that amphetamine started to cause mania and insomnia, a well-known side effect. I feared that it would mean I would have to halt the amphetamine trial which in turn would mean no cure for narcolepsy and disability.

I put on a familiar audiobook and for a couple of minutes listened with my eyes open, thinking that I was so wide awake that it would be pointless to try to close them. But then I did close them.

Next I woke up several minutes before the 7AM alarm, happy and alert. I could not believe it: I had slept through the night for the first time in I do not know how long. I took one dose of amphetamine (the smallest dose). The day before, the amphetamine took very long to work, more than 2.5 hours, and the pdoc suggested I increase the dose. But I did not need it this morning. Heck, this morning I did not even need the amphetamine: I took it just in case.

This miraculous story continued. I was at work before 9AM, with my brows and lashes done which is unusual for me. I had a super productive day at work and just could not believe my luck. In the morning, I was not super hungry but I decided to eat preemptively. I ate the above (it is the food that our micro kitchen at the office stocks): two hard boiled eggs, a little cheese, and Fage. I had a cup of tea. I felt full. It was that pleasant, almost forgotten feeling. Full and warm in the tummy from the tea.

Then I had a couple lattes and for lunch, Latin food which I really like. Again, I felt full after a regular quantity of food and simply could not believe my luck. I was on cloud nine. I planned to keep drinking tea to drown my enemy but I did not have to: I was not getting pangs. In the evening, before leaving for the gym, I was getting very mildly hungry and decided to eat, again preemptively. I had a cup of warm whole milk, a tiny bag of baby carrots, and string cheese. I felt full after it. I was amazed.

Then I had a 55 minute workout on the treadmill with sweat dripping, doing intervals. Then I had 75 minutes of very slow yoga, followed by a shower. Then I came home, had a bowl of borscht with beef and sour cream (not a lot of beef, just a little) and a few pineapple chunks. I now feel full.

I simply cannot believe that it can be such a change overnight. What will tomorrow be like? As dreadful as yesterday or as easy breezy as today?

Tomorrow I will inject the last dose of Mounjaro 10 mg. The insurance has finally approved 12.5 mg. I will pick it up from Walmart pharmacy this weekend and start on it this Thursday. In theory, more is better, but for me this summer I did not have hunger pangs on Mounjaro 5 mg and this past December had them on Mounjaro 10 mg. go figure.

But @raspberrytorte I like how you say it, we are walking pharmacies and no one knows what long term metabolic side effects of being a walking pharmacy are.