My guess is she totaled it while driving under the influence. It’s very possible that she is drinking more which is common when someone can’t deal with their emotions and escape by using drugs and alcohol. People who abuse drugs never learned how to self regulate their emotions and they constantly look for external ways to fill the void. They get very narcissistic and the only way they can feel power is by taking their frustrations out on others. Sadly the spouse gets subjected to the changing moods and stresses and the children become afraid and distant and confused often feeling they are not worthy of love.

Your wife’s so called besties only make it worse by enabling her to see herself as a victim and to learn to use men to pay her way and fix things for her. They are guiding her to get power in very unhealthy ways. Remember, she had already gotten to where she drank all day. There was nothing there to give you ANY normal love or respect or real intimacy. It’s always been “she lets you” and never she genuinely cares and wants you.

Nothing you can do or could have done to change her. You were starved and existed for the morsels she would toss you and even then she would look at you coldly letting you know she was going to discard you. This was her selfish way of gaining a sense of power.

The best thing for you is to distance as much as possible. Every situation will be toxic because it’s how she needs chaos and drama to have any sense of identity.