I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. A year plus 8 months if we count our time to gother before we broke up in august in 2022. Beginnig of last year he texted me again, I of course folded for I have no self respect when it comes to men obviously.

Have I regretted it? Repeatedly. Have I thought about breaking up, about dating other (specific) people? Uhuh. But 1. I grew up in the middle of divorce and cheating so a breakup initiated by me would be terribly painful to me, 2. we live together and I don't make enough to move out. In fact I currently don't "make" anything, I get financial support by my parents which is barely enough to hold up my end of rent and food. So there's that.

I'm not sure what to tell about him, even. He's a year older than me, 22 to be exact. He graduated high school and vocational school after that. Now he works full time and makes a decent living (60% of which he spends on stuff like video games, computer building, online gambling and pot. That, of course is his decision to make and 100% his money to spend, I just thought it might illustrate his character a bit).

I've come to realize that I'm with a complete jerk. Among other things. It isn't uncommon to hear him say rude, inconsiderate, straight up mean, careless, ignorant, and arrogant things to me. I usually hear something of this sort on a daily basis. For exaple, he recently expressed his dissatisfaction with my gym progress. I've been exercising consistently for more than half a year now, which has not been an easy habit to maintain. I'm a full time student on my final year (which means actively writing my bachelor's thesis). I'm also on the chubby side, which he also didn't leave unmentioned. He saidmy body makes him feel like "chubby chaser" and everytime he sees my snapchat memories from years ago (when I was 14-18 years old and quite a bit thinner) he says he sees someone "he could have, but I don't put in enough effort". I still can't shake the feeling of shame, humiliation and anger that filled my whole body when he said that. I was SO proud of myself that I finally started LIKING the gym, moving body, getting stronger and more cardio indurant and so on. I haven't felt the same joy in the gym since he said those things. Oh, and to top it all off, he said he "won't marry a fat *****" and he won't have kids with me.

Today he suggested we watch his favourite movie sometime ("8mile", if anyone gives a damn) and I said okay, but can we watch my movies sometimes, too? He straight up got dodgy (which in his terms means no). He accused me of making it transactional without taking a genuine interest in his stuff. He holds that sentimet with pretty much all of his hobbies, interests, favourite movies, music, activiteis, even friends. He expects me to take full interest in his stupid S**t, his jocky friends who never approved of me and our relationship. When I ask, BEG him to do something with me or hang out with my friends, he just doesn't do it. "Have cooler friends then"

There's of course TONS more I could share, but even I wouldn't care to read a post that long. These are just some things, patterns that bother me the most about our relationship.

What should I do? Put my foot down? Match his energy? Distance myself? I'm completely out of ideas. I feel so alone, trapped and bothered my all of this.

If anyone has ANY advice I'd be VERY grateful. Thanks!