greif and trauma is kicking my arse tonight

just had to tell friend i cannot be there for her just now

she put too much pressure on me tonight and i ended up cutting both legs a lot cause i was already struggling due to the snow having made itself at home here and friend decided to have yet another "I need a lot of reassurance" times

i don't mind being there for her - but I cannot always be stable enough, like today

one cut i not sure about, its one that was healing that i went over again cause i need it to hurt

cause it physically hurting stops my heart from hurting just for a bit