earthmama, I spent years of childhood and many years of marriage not feeling hurt or pain or anger or sadness. I was really good at not feeling those things. Now, I am starting to feel the pain of all those years. A current event can recall past events and then the wall of pain will hit--all the feeling from yesteryear combined with a much more minor event today. I guess this is what they call transference, although in my case there's not necessarily a "person" onto whom I'm transferring. It's really, really hard. The feelings are to me sometimes intolerable. I wonder if that is because I don't know how to feel properly because I didn't do much of it when young? I am sorry I have no suggestions for how to deal with the pain. It just feels awful and I can understand why I hid from it for so long. I will read this thread with interest for suggestions.