I wrestled with boredom today but got relief when i started listening to music this evening. It started out joyful with Matthew Good. Then it got emotional listening to Neil Young. His triple album "Decade" was the last gift my brother gave to my family before he died. My brother loved music. I was the only one of my family to listen to "Decade." I searched it for clues, and they are there.

"Decade" is my connection to my brother. I feel my chances for happiness were drastically reduced when he died when i was 14. My divorce at 29 certainly made it worse, but it wasn't the root cause of my unhappiness. I don't know why i am living. Inertia, i guess. An object in motion tends to stay in motion.