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eskielover · Jan 23, 2024, 09:45 AM

My parents are both decessed & I am an only child. Mt daughter had moved halfway across the country before my mom died. When I left, I was dealing with major depression & PTSD & anorexia from the stress of what I went through that caused the PTSD. I knew if I didn't leave then I would not live. I took a flight even farther across the country than my daughter had moved with my dog (Leo) & stayed a couple of weeks working with a RE agent to find a small farm. I ended up buying the farm I have now outside of an amazing little historical town where I knew absolutely no one. I got to start my life completely over at 54. Didn't get my divorce for 11 years because of his financial irresponsibility with the IRS & I am still legally dealing with stupid financial issues he caused me....but I am free from ever having to live around or close to him ever again.

Yes, I started exploring my new town (8000 people vs Los Angeles where I moved from) & went to the book club at the library. Wow, that was not me, but it proved to myself that I could enjoy reading books & retain what I read & get involved in discussions. None of which I could do when I left my marriage because of the stress level I was having. I went to awesome historical events in town & met people & horse people & began riding with the people I met & getting to know them. We formed a couple of horse groups right after I moved here. One was for back country riding & the other was just a group of older women who owned horses. That group got into a stallion rescue mission while the lady was on trial for abuse which got me to meet many of the officials around town.

I was invited to a Bible study 6 months after moving here by a complete stranger. I went to that Bible study for many years & became friends with a group of lady's from there.

What helped me most was that I, by chance found the most awesome therapist in my 13+ years of struggling with depression. Go figure, in a small town in Ky. She had a DBT group & we met together for almost 2 years. The group formed a bond because we knew each others struggles. I was seeing her up to the point when covid hit & she had been telling me for awhile that I was just fine now. I kept going off & on just when I needed to talk through things that came up regarding my ex.....& when covid hit, she was right....I was finally ok.

I am going to a new church just this last year & very involved including being in on the ground floor of the Celebrate Recovery group they are starting for the community this week. Religion is not all bad.....but it does depend on the people involved & the beliefs they hold.

I am more a part of this awesome community than I ever was in Calif. I do have support but I very seldom lean on it at this point. Knowing good people in the community, if I need work done I put out feelers as to who is reliable. I have been burned when I first moved here but support I didn't even know I had stepped up to help. One reason I would NEVER live in a city ever again. We are a small farming community & I love it & we connect & support each other. I know my neighbors here even though our farms are separated by acres of land. First time in my life I truly do not feel alone & I feel this is home & this is the first time I ever lived alone in my life. I was more "alone" the first 54 years of my life because I was always fighting against those around me for the life I wanted for myself. I had no idea just how dysfunctional those around me were all those years & I grew up with dysfunctional skills that DBT & my wonderful therapist helped me change & adapt into functional ones. I can enjoy being with others now & I truly enjoy my alone retreat on my farm.

My new puppy (8 mo old now) enjoyed a beautiful (ALONE) hike through my woods yesterday checking out the frozen creek & stream. Not a person around & I love being in nature like that & having my wonderful puppy buddy to enjoy it with