A week or so ago i was having trouble sleeping. I didn't take this pill for many years but I kept some. It didn't help enough for sleep and I got another prescription from my doctor gave me something i cant remember. olanzapine maybe? i said, you might as well give me benadryl because its what they give to any restless teenagers in psych units. he got angry, he knows i know the medicines and i see how that is underminding him of his ability to be a doctor.
he finally asked if i wanted to be admitted, i said yes. well hours later i hear him back in the er tending to someone. i asked nicely if i would be speaking to him since he seemed to say i'm going inpatient, i know i clearly said yes to be admitted. he said, i didn't expect to see you here this morning. i ended up leaving. sometimes i just need to shut my brain up, and i thought maybe being around other people in hosptial would help, and also get my physical things addressed.
i do have a very good psychiatrist who has won awards, his father founded the hospital. i'll be sad the day he retires. i made an appt with him but its not for 2 weeks or so yet. this med, its doing nothing. my brain keeps going. i want the thoughts to shut up but they wont. i dont know what to do anymore.
i feel embarrased to have let my landlord and his gf know last night that i went looking for help at the hospital for this. i dont think i should be embarrassed but it's still kinda stupid to share this information. i just needed to talk. They are a nice couple, i just keep to myself and out of the way in my room. most of the time. lately it's like i'm coming out of my shell and i want help but there isn't any. if anyone knows a medication that would definitely get me to sleep that'd be great. i even tried an imnovane, but that was in the noisy er so i dont think i got more than an hour of sleep there. no one has any answers. i guess i'll figure it out. typing is helping. it's pretty bad when you are talking to yourself all day.