I just called his voice mail and instead of giving the numbers of his back up therapists like it did earlier today, there is a voice saying "This number is not active". WTF?!?! I know I'm being totally irrational, but it's like T has disappeared, and like my worst fears are coming true and he's not coming back.

I won't e-mail him on vacation, so I have to sit with this until next Monday. And what if he's not there next Monday? what if something happened?

Listening to his voice mail was like a little life boat to me or something. I feel totally lost now. And scared, and alone, and....

I'm so, so, so, so in a really bad spot today anyhow (as you probably know from my other post) and this is about to push me over the edge. I feel like I'm just going to lose it.

And I hate that I have two posts going on here at once. I don't know the last time I felt this bad, and desperate.