This morning i completed a safety course and in the afternoon i visited some relatives which is always triggering and causes suffering for lost chances

I look thru my lost beloved ones profile and scrolled to before 2016 to recatch some breath of life before illness and be able to calm myself and go to sleep
I am behaving good but everyone is dying and to cope with losing them and being guilty of that, have been absent for 8 years kIlls me inside

I am aware of the toxicity of virtuality but the mistake i made were huge back then, i just can't believe it and 2015 is such a safe place, the last one