That's really sad news ChickenNoodleSoup and very complex for you to navigate. It sounds like part of you is responding in a very practical and rational way - wisely looking for other support elsewhere. Something I am still learning after more than a year of "losing" my therapist (not through illness or death) is that different parts have different timescales. It is has been really important for me to allow time for all aspects of me until I can arrive at a place where all bits of me are on board. Long and painful grief. Keep posting here, many of us are interested.