I posted on here for years before I said anything about her physical appearance, precisely because I was afraid it would be used to show I'm shallow, and ALSO because that's not why I married her. There were and are other physically attractive women. She was beautiful, because she was everything (adorable, intelligent, loving, funny) but it wasn't real.

I hung on for years believing that one day me and the kids would get her back, once we got answers for her physical health and depression. I loved her, and wanted her back.

Telling me to stop ruminating about her is right up there with telling someone to stop being depressed, or anxious, or bipolar.

The POINT of posting on here is that I'm trying to stop ruminating, and redirection isn't working.

"You're hung up on her looks."

No, she was through and through beautiful at one time, on top of being stunning. I'm not going to get raked for being deeply attracted to the woman I married, and for continuing to think she was beautiful right to the end.

And yes, the next guy will get several years of the best version of her. It will be different than what I got, because she will have to mirror him to get supply from him.

And me and the kids are in the discard pile.

At one time she was incredibly intelligent, and part of me keeps hoping that intelligence will allow her some epiphany of self awareness.


RDM