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Old Jan 27, 2024, 10:58 AM
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ArmorPlate108 ArmorPlate108 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: In the west
Posts: 479
I may have posted this before on one of your threads, but it could help, so I'll post it again....

Have you ever read Codependent No More? If you haven't, you might get a lot out of it. If you have, it might be worth a reread. If living with a disordered person results in the household changing it's function to accommodate the disordered person, you're getting into codependent territory. You can get so used to accommodating that person out of "love", that your own unhealthy behavior feels like something you have to do. The book is very validating about the types of experiences you are having, and can give you tools to change your thinking and start focusing on you and your future, rather than her.

And you are right, it's not always just as easy as saying "stop doing that.". As someone who once suffered from debilitating anxiety, trying to not think about something became the worst possible way to approach it. Instead, I had to turn broadside to the storm and realize that I COULD weather it. That's CBT.

I don't read your reactions as shallow in regard to her looks, but rather that she used up what was available with the family, then took that asset and bailed. And let's be realistic, like it or not, looks are big in the human world, especially at the onset of meeting someone. A lot of people are much prettier once we get to know who they are on the inside, but our brains do that initial physical assessment. She has likely taken that asset out into the world and is using it. Yeah, that hurts. And though a lot of people won't admit it, most of us would feel better, more vindicated, if we knew our exes were sitting on a couch in a studio apartment, eating Twinkies, and watching old episodes of Forensics Files....