Oh I know the feeling! I have no advice other than it’s pretty common and for me it has not got easier yet but I am getting more trusting that she will not reject or abandon me and connecting has felt more natural lately, whereas before I would avoid connecting because I did not want to ‘need her’. My T says to think choose instead of need because need makes it seem like she has power. I try but I still struggle at times.
I’m sure a lot of people here struggle with the same thing.