Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate it.
@CANDC you’re right , that I’m holding on to my kids and my life as it was , not as it is now . They have all moved away ( though I’m not sure they won’t come back from time to time between schools) and I wish we could keep everything the same and constant. They , of course, are aware we’ve had issues, and certainly know we separated for about 3 months last summer.

Thanks again