@Pjones2051 you have been together 34 years. That is incredible. Some people I know do not make it for a year or two.
I am guessing that because it is ending in divorce you consider it a failure. How about looking at the success of holding together a relationship for 34 years, raising kids (that is not easy) and managing the empty nest, another challenge.
I am not a believer in the "till death do you part." I think life is full of changes and people change and grow in different directions and wake up one morning and relaize that each of you lives in a different world and mindset. That is normal not exceoptional. What is exceptional is how you kept this relationship going so long.
I played the blame game with myself. "If only I had..." then everything would still be okay. I had to quit playing that mind game on myself.
So what are you thinking about doing next?