Today went a bit better. I had a doctor's appointment. That got me out of the house, which usually makes me feel a lot better. It did. It was a nice day out. I'm now cleaning up around my apt. Everything goes to heck when I'm depressed. Then the disorder makes me more depressed.

I better make a plan for tomorrow. Otherwise, I'll sleep late and fritter away the day doing next to nothing.

I told my new doctor I've been having a hard time with depression since November. He asked if I had suicidal ideation. I said, "Yeah, but no intent to self-harm." That ended that exchange. He showed no real interest in my emotional difficulty. They never do. Every medical provider I talk to thinks I'm just fine. I guess I look and sound fine. I wish inside my head matched. It doesn't. I keep feeling awfully distressed. Making myself do things seems to be the only way to feel better. It's so hard with so little motivation.