17 days left until L comes back... And I don't want to see her. I'm not ready. I can't even decide what I would want from session. Do we do our rituals? Do I hug her? Do we sit on the floor? I don't even know if her office looks the same because I think she's now sharing with another therapist...or multiple therapists? Idk! I doubt she left her office vacant. And I know she wanted to change things like taking out her desk and lounge chair and the bookshelves, and adding more couches. She might have even taken out our ottoman we used. All these changes. I remember her being pregnant. What will she look like now? Our relationship has changed, how could it not? She has changed, I have changed. Life has been cruel these last 3 months and I've had to do it on my own. No therapists. I don't know how to see her again. Especially after everything.