Do you and your partner have the same goals and values? You mentioned that she wants kids and you don't--that is an example of not having the same goal. At the beginning of my marriage, my husband taught me about managing finances (something I still do not do well because I love to spend money). During our first 5 years of marriage (when we didn't have children), we lived on his salary and saved my entire salary. Because of this, when we were affected by a RIF (reduction in forces-active duty), we were able to buy a house even though we were unemployed. This decision has been a blessing to us for more than 30 years. There have also been situations where we did not work together and it made a real mess out of things. So are you, for the most part, able to work together on things that are important to both of you? Do you support each others goals?