Dear T,

I hate the session right before your vacation. I feel like I have to be so careful, but then I end up being distanced and not letting myself feel connected. Or I end up talking about something I shouldn't talk about and then feel weird and/or upset about the therapeutic relationship.

This time, I think I figured something out in talking to a friend last night regarding your vacations and why it bothers me that you won't say anything about where you're going. And I'd like to be able to talk to you about it. But it feels way too risky to do right now. So maybe I'll talk about it with R, then talk to you about it when you're back?

This vacation just snuck up on me, with the holidays, then H's surgery. I should have talked about this a couple weeks ago, but there was other stuff going on then.

Maybe I'll take some photos in again--that worked pretty well before one of your vacations last year. I could bring some with me and see how I feel. Or talk about writing--that seems to connect us. I just feel I need some sort of planned topic so the other stuff doesn't just come spilling out. Though, knowing me, it will anyway, with 15 minutes left, and we'll leave on an awkward note.... Maybe I'll say at the start "If I start talking about x, please stop me and say, 'You said you didn't want to talk about this today.'" Or something. I don't know. Guess I have nearly 7 hours to figure it out...

Love,
LT