Thankyou both for responding. I continue to make plans and trudge on trying to fight my urges. "Things are never what they seem" Always seems appropriate; no matter what with me. I have learned a lot despite going on 24 coming up in a couple weeks; but, it's a matter of fighting and doing things even when I don't want to. Like right now I know I am depressed. No question about it the whole "I feel like I'm bad or evil and deserve or need to be punished" type attitude etc. is ruling my mind. This should not be the case. Imotrex I've tried before and hasn't worked for regular migraines. They did give me something before in the iv before too. Yet I pretty much had to sleep and take ibuprofen as much as I could following treatments. I know I feel hopeless and all those tell tale signs of depression so I need to get going before I do something so severe that I can't fix. I hate being i the hospital and hate the idea of anything even longer. Want to contnue living on my own and want nothing more than to be happy and help others. I disagree with the nurse or other mental health type person that said "I care too much about ppl" and that "was half my problem" I am the type of person that makes me push that much harder to prove them wrong. Which turns out to be good in this case. I know what I need to do. I've been there too many times before. I wouldn't want to know the number of hospitalizations I've had over the five years I've been officially mi. Nor how much it's cost the state of Maine. I know just for labs to come back negative bc they did not believe me cost them 1800 dollars in one day. I'm lucky to have insurance. I will keep everyone posted and keep writing as always. It helps me and I'm sure everyone else it is the best way of communication sometimes; therapy for me.
((ALL))