Quote:
Originally Posted by stargalaxy
I am referring to the Bible since I am a Protestant and he is a Hindu. Yes, Christianity is a minority in India. I am feeling sad that I have overinformed myself. Up to a certain extent it has helped me, since I realized feeling suicidal was triggered by the thought of possibly losing the friendship, it was a flashback. Now I have reached a little stability. My therapist told me sometimes I overanalyze to feel safer.
According to the article, a soul tie is formed due to sexual or romantic intimacy, which helps married people stay together. But even cuddling can cause it to form. It said that the Bible says to stay away from such things, and I will have to cut him off in order to break the soul tie. (I will not do that, I intend to deal with it more maturely this time.) I felt suicidal because breaking this friendship would cause me pain. I had already lost contact with two other friends. It felt as if I was different from him, as though he was wrong and I would be wrong by being with him. I understand I have catastrophized this though. I have therapy tomorrow, and she may ask what happened between me and him since she knows I met him. She may be disappointed in me, I'll try to tell her, though I feel a little hesitant to tell her. I will mention though, that the idea of losing his friendship made me feel suicidal. This is the first time I am bringing it up though, she asked if I felt this way earlier, (seeing her since a month.) So I will find out how good she is with such feelings. I only feel suicidal if I have something trigger it. For example, when you said I seem to have read too many psychology books, etc. for my own good and that I do not trust my instincts and judgment, and that I overanalyze everything, I felt triggered, I dissociated and wondered what the point of it all is. But since I knew it was a reaction to criticism, I kept reminding myself that. I have felt this way before, although after a long time. Been many months now.
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Can you stay away from reading articles that give you
rigid advice? Can you simply disregard the article about soul ties and breaking them? You need to learn to live more
fluidly, live in the moment, be in touch with your feelings, react to the moment with what feels right emotionally, explore life and simply be yourself. It is not helping you to try to be guided by formulaic, strict, and frankly unreasonable advice. You can still read theology, provided it gives reasoned interpretations of the Bible. By the way, where in the Bible does it say to stay away from cuddling? Did the article quote specific Bible passages and discuss their broader context? From how you are describing the article, it did not. But correct me if I am wrong.
You wrote "She may be disappointed in me" about the therapist. You are not describing a proper therapeutic alliance if you need to do certain things or abstain from certain other things in order to please your therapist. This is not how a therapeutic alliance is formed. I am contradicting myself now
but please read this short article:
The Therapeutic Alliance: The Fundamental Element of Psychotherapy - PMC. Here is a quote:
"Although scholars may differ in how the alliance is conceptualized, most theoretical definitions of the alliance have three themes in common: the
collaborative nature of the relationship, the affective bond between patient and therapist, and the patient’s and therapist’s ability to agree on treatment goals and tasks (2, 3). " (my emphasis)
If you need to live up to your therapist's expectations, this is not a collaborative relationship. Also, if you cannot candidly share your important experiences with her because you are afraid of disappointing here, it is a big red flag. I am not saying to stop seeing her, but maybe in the next session tell her that there is something that you are afraid to share with her for fear of disappointing her, and let her take it from there.
Is she a Christian therapist by any chance? I know in the US there are Christian therapists.
I am glad you are able to reflect on what triggers your suicidal feelings and, most of all, glad that these are fleeting feelings and you do not harbor suicidal intent.