I just want to let you know that you did not fail because you picked up the phone and your wife pulled you into that toxic conversation. All that experience did was confirm how manipulative and toxic your wife is as a person. The relationship failure is not your fault and you have been slowly learning how to see your wife as she truely is instead of what you created in your mind of her.

Your wife only focused on her needs in that conversation and insisted on blaming whatever problems are taking place on you. Nothing you could have ever done or can do will change the person your wife is. Your wife doesn’t nor ever will have your values. You still have these moments where you feel a loss of the person you created in your mind of her. It takes time to accept that person doesn’t exist. You had more of a limerence about her than actual intimacy and love. When we are young we have a tendency to limerence instead of developing actual love and genuine connection. You talk about someone else getting the best of her. That’s the limerence talking. There is NO best of her RD. She just proved that to you again.