This past Monday, I had some cap-like fillings added to six of my top teeth. The need was a result of years of teeth grinding and clenching. My top middle teeth, secondary incisors, and canine teeth had them added. I'm so unhappy with what she did to my top middle teeth. She lengthened them and I swear that she made my already wide gap even wider. My husband says they look much better now, and that the gap is no bigger. He says it's just an illusion because the teeth are longer. Either way, I think they look like buck teeth. My whole life I have never been self conscious about my gap, but now I am. You can also see a color difference between the cap fillings and my original teeth parts. The dentist said she'd work on reducing that, but my appointment isn't until May. I've been feeling depressed already, but this lowers my mood even more. The dentist also said I could always get braces, if I wanted the gap narrowed. Braces at over 50 years old!?! I almost want to cry. Plus, if I even did get braces, I'd not want the gap completely closed up. The gap is a little bit of my identity. It's hard to imagine looking at my teeth without it, at this juncture. What's worse, my bite is not quite right. I can't get my top and bottom molars to touch. She said she can fix that in May, too.

I'm at a stage where I wish I could run away (with Hubby), but I don't know where and I first need my inheritance to go anywhere. I don't like living in Czech Republic, yet I don't want to return to the US, either. I feel like I have no REAL home. I have no family beyond my husband and to a small degree, his family. Here in CZ I can't be me because I'm basically a mute with everyone but Hubby and his nephew. I do have a potential new friendship (with an English lady), but I've not seen her for over a week and I feel too depressed to initiate the next get together. It's my turn to do so. I will push myself, but maybe tomorrow I'll text her.