My Support Forums - View Single Post

eskielover · Feb 10, 2024, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RDMercer

"Your wife only focused on her needs in that conversation and insisted on blaming whatever problems are taking place on you."

"You had more of a limerence about her than actual intimacy and love. "

You're right.

It's hard to face that I was so completely snookered.

RDM

I wouldn't feel snookered.....when we are young we don't have the deoth of perception we have as we get older & have seen & understand so much more.

It wasn't until 11 years after leaving my marriage & asking my almost ex at that time why he got married because it was obviously not love on either of our parts that he said it "was because that was the thing to do after graduating college" For me it was an escape from my family though red flags told me different right before the wedding & put me in defense mode (& some offense mode too).

As we get older we get so much more understanding because we are always learning which is good. It's the adults that are stuck at a childhood emotional age that cause the problems as many seem incapable of learning & never grow up to meet the needs of an adult relationship.

My ex always proudly said he would never grow up. One of the foundational reasons I left. I didn't get married to him to be his mommy. I wanted an intelligent PARTNER who was my equal. Those details don't always show up until years into the marriage even though we get hints along the way that build with time