Ok i am new so i am gonna publish this here.
Hey everyone, I'm reaching out for some guidance and support, and I'd appreciate any help you can offer. I'm a university student, just starting out, and I'm 18 years old. Coming from an area where my accent is often seen as amusing, I've never had many friends. The environment where I grew up wasn't conducive to studying or humor, and many people were unkind.
Recently, I went to a club with a guy from my almost deserted university residence. Despite feeling misled about the social scene there, I ended up encountering drama when one of the guys got into a fight with his ex-girlfriend, who was also present. Despite her flirtations with me, I tried to be respectful and didn't want to interfere. But when I began chatting and dancing with another girl, the guy's friend confronted me, claiming she was his. It left me feeling disrespected and questioning the dynamics of respect in social interactions. It made me question whether this person considered my feelings at all. It wasn't just a matter of being seen as a friend; it felt like a personal affront to my dignity.
I've formed groups and feel accepted, being in some way the guy who is funny (which girls liked in the first place), but lately, I've been struggling to assert myself and share my opinions. It's like I'm afraid to speak up, and I end up staying silent. Additionally, I often feel isolated as many students leave for their hometowns, leaving me alone. I've transitioned from being a loner to someone making an effort, but I still lack confidence. Bullying and betrayal in the past have left me wary of trusting others. So, I'm looking for advice and tips on how to improve my social skills, speak up more confidently, and overcome my fear of judgment. Specifically, I want to learn how to:
- Speak louder and with more confidence
- Stop depending on others' opinions for validation
- Express my thoughts and opinions, especially in group settings
- Not give too much importance to others' perceptions of me
- Manage my eagerness to make friends and learn to enjoy my solitude
- Work on being less lazy at times, but still maintaining balance.
In addition to these challenges, I often find myself unsure of whether I'm being teased or genuinely respected, due to past negative experiences.
Furthermore, being away from home for extended periods, especially as many students return to their hometowns on weekends, leaves me feeling disconnected and lonely. I'm even resorting to online connections to alleviate this isolation, which just in 1 case has led me to meet someone.
Recently, I've been going to the gym, where I had positive interactions with two girls whom I asked a lot of questions and got along well with, although we didn't say goodbye afterwards. I also met two guys from my class, but I felt some tension in the air, although it dissipated later on. Additionally, that same day at the gym, two classmates glanced at me and didn't greet me, except for one whom I gave a bit of a dirty look to.
Sometimes, when I make plans with someone casually in a group, I experience a sense of derealization, which leaves me feeling uneasy. I'm not exactly sure why this happens, but I'm determined to work on it.
Lastly, I've noticed that I often feel tension and derealization when speaking with people, but I don't know how bad that is.
It's also worth mentioning that I don't see my parents for four months straight, while others go home on weekends to see them, receive homemade food and clothes, etc. Meanwhile, I'm left to fend for myself and learn to live independently. It's frustrating to hear from my parents during calls that I need to improve addint tips of course, as if it's some sort of lesson (It is), but I'm trying my best despite the multitude of challenges. Despite all this, I'm hopeful for a better future.
I'm just looking for practical advice and support to improve my situation and reach my full potential. I hope to overcome these challenges and become the person I've always wanted to be. Thanks in advance for any help you can provide.