I haven't felt the greatest these past few days -- just feeling off without the ability to pinpoint what is going on. I do feel tired and just want to sleep. I'll hopefully get out of the slump and fine joy in things again. I know it sounds like depression, but if it is, it's relatively mild.

I think my meeting with the administrative law judge (ALJ) went well. I don't have lawyer and I know people swear by them, but I just have a hard time accepting it. It's a lot of extra effort so what? Someone can use the right buzz words to make it happen? A lawyer doesnt make me any more or less disabled. Anyway, I'm not here to knock lawyers -- that wasn't the point of the statement. I know they can be helpful. My ALJ used a vocaitonal expert in our meeting. She mentioned twice that given the hypothetical parameters he proposed, based on my conditions -- there was very little change of gainful employment in the areas that were used for examples. I think that sounds like a good sign. I'm hoping. I don't know when I'll know something.. but I just want to know either way as soon as possible. This has went on for 2 years now. My education and age have been used agaisnt me and I don't think it's fair to dismiss me based on it. I do feel a large part of it comes down to those two factors. I really don't know how I will handle the news if I don't get accepted. My life is just a burden on everyone and I am consuming resources, space, and time. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I can't contribute to society and I can't even go a day without reminders that living ain't free. Let's just hope for the best.

In other news I'm back on my learning languages kick. I'm doing German again. I've been really enjoying it -- branching out to playing some old familiar games in German, to practice reading and use of common, natural sentence structure and writing styles. I learned some cool linguistic and cultural things this way!

I don't really have much else to say. I'll leave it here I guess. Happy Sunday.

Brentus