Of being medication compliant. And of those six+ years, my regimen has been exactly the same for about one and a half years. I'm on 30mg escitalopram and 30mg olanzapine. The side-effects seem to have waned, most recently. The only complaint I have is that I feel like the medication does not live up to its miraculous reputation.

And I know different medications alter different neurotransmitter levels in the nervous system. The sad thing is that I went for so long being recalcitrant regarding treatment, and my anosognosia had a LOT to do with it. Well, I actually was cooperative about taking the medication and seeing psychotherapists and social workers. But I was reluctant about it. In my eyes, there was nothing wrong with the way I thought.

And my delusions of grandeur were real to me. But now I am in therapy again. So maybe things will get better for me, even though things don't seem to be getting any better at all. It's just wishful thinking. It's me just thinking, "Yeah, someday I'll be better. Someday..."