I've been trying to distract myself all day: sleeping, watching tv, cooking, cleaning. I've also been concerned about some abdominal pain. I think it's my cyst. But mostly I've been struggling with all my feelings about L and tomorrow. I'm trying really hard not to worry, but my feelings are overwhelming me. We already have a solid plan that I completely agree with. But I'm still having conflicting urges. One moment I think I want to hug her. The next, I want to ghost her. Then I want to yell at her. Then I wonder if I'm being too hard on her. And there's more, too! I feel like a ping pong ball is bouncing around in my head.

I was doing decently on my own. Sure having a therapist would help. But it also hurts. I still wonder if it's all worth it?