It's everyday stuff. Last night I was at Walmart and suddenly became scared of bumping into her. I was at the pharmacy another time this week with my daughter and suddenly wanted to leave in case she showed up. My daughter will often opt to not go out because she doesn't want to see her mom. She also doesn't want "public" jobs, like coffee shops or fast food for that reason.

This has all been hard enough. I don't want any drama with it. Along with that I know she can hurt me whenever she wants. I loved her and wanted her. She can use that to hurt me. If I ever saw her out with another man I'm certain she'd flaunt it. I also fully expect she'd vilify me to anyone she is seeing, so he may try to be the "hero" as well.

This has all led to just.... Turtling.

My recent interaction on the phone with my wife exacerbated that because she was utterly unrepentant and viewed everything as me victimizing her.... Holy jeez..... Your kids stopped talking to you and you think I fabricated that??? When?? When I was working two jobs and making meals and fixing cars and house all the time?

So, yeah, I do feel just..... Stuck.... A lot of the time.

RDMercer