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Old Feb 25, 2024, 01:12 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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Quote:
Why didn't she want this life, or why did she turn away from it?
Because she wanted to be the center of attention at all times. She wanted the world to revolve around her. She didn't want relationships, she wanted fans, followers, adoring public - she wanted to be the queen of her kingdom and you were all supposed to be her loyal, adoring court that catered to her every need - physical and emotional.

She wanted to be the main character in every moment, and in the life you just described, every thing is interconnected and everyone has a role and a story. No one is more important or valued than anyone else, and she can't handle not being the most important and valued person in the room.

And as OE said, none of things appealed to her. It sounds like she really wanted a single, child-free lifestyle but not single and not child-free.

Look, I actually don't know the whole story, but just from what little I've read over the years, probably some combination of the above. But what's more important is that it's not your job to know why she didn't want it. You cannot and should not attempt to be a mind reader. You're falling down a trap of cognitive dissonance where you think you can figure it out. You cannot. It's a blackhole that will suck you. This is one of those things that falls under the "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
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