I just got home from seeing my doctor. He said that referring me to the psych department is tough. He said I might have to go on a waiting list for a year. He said that the psych department "is a real sh** show."

He said he could give me a list of resources in the community. He said he would be right back with a print out. Instead, a medical assistant came back with the print out. Then I left. So I'm looking at the print out. The appointment with my doctor today went exactly as I expected it to go.

I told him I won't accept just being deflected because I have a right to access psych services.

I've been thru this in years past. Anyone I talk to wants to give me phone numbers for help elsewhere. Then the references usually don't pan out. I've been checking resources for days. A crisis line gave me some numbers to call. One was an agency working with the homeless. Another was for substance abusers. Another was for unstable families with issues like domestic violence.

The doctor today told me I could just walk into the psych hospital and ask for their Urgent Care service. I've done that in the past. They just ask you if you're going to kill yourself. If you say no, they lose all interest . . . or say they can put you on a waiting list.

A doctor can cut through all that rigamarole, if he really believes a patient is in crisis. So I feel I never get believed.

I'm way too distressed to be treated dismissively. The medical assistant said the doctor wants me to return in a month.

I knew this is what would happen.