I don't know. Maybe limerance?

I know I had a lot of good feelings for her, thought everyone else was wrong in how they read her, thought I was the source of our issues, and held her in extremely high regard until things really began to unravel in our final year.

I've read that that longing anguish can be mistaken for love.

I still go through those periods of longing anguish. That might just be wired into me now.

I can't imagine a scenario where we'd reconcile.

I'd never allow myself to be gaslit like that again, and I'd never risk the kids' trust in me as a safe landing place.

I wouldn't give up the peace I have now either.

She'd have to make a lot of changes and reconcile with the kids first.