I've got to say that, reading your last post, it stands out just how far you've come in not really very long.

You seem like you've gained a lot of personal power, learned to enforce stronger boundaries, and separated yourself from his problems to a large extent. Do you feel like you've come a noticeable distance in your own growth? I hope it seems that way to you. Even if you're not where you'd ultimately like to be, you are moving in a positive direction.

Imagine where you might be in another few months or a year?

That's a smart technique of asking your H how he thinks you feel. It shifts the focus off him, and forces him to acknowledge that you're a person experiencing the relationship too. Even if he can't focus on your feelings at this point, it's a good way to make sure that your feelings don't get lost in the mess.

That is pretty funny what your son says about popping champagne bottles. It almost seems like calling H out on what he does- whether your son means to or not. How do you think your son feels about H’s drinking? Does he recognize the negative changes in dad when he drinks?

When DD was younger, I think she felt like alcohol was a weird fixation for H and his family (it was always a major topic of conversation when they got together). A little education can go a long way, hopefully. DD needs a healthier barometer about alcohol usage than what she can get from observing the way H and his family interact with it.

Anyway, back to those boundaries. It sounds like the things you say to him, when he's out of line, are direct and appropriate to the situation. Do you feel like you do a good job of remaining control of the situation? It sounds like you do, but I'm guessing (from personal experience) that it's not always as easy as that. My H is so good at turning the conversation in a different direction, and tending to blame shift, that it took quite a while to learn to keep the conversation on the original topic. Each time he veres off in another direction, rather than follow him down that road, I've learned to steer the topic back on track— but it's such a compulsion for him at times, that it can be difficult to catch every time he strays off topic. Is that an issue for you as well?

—>I found myself questioning what he was saying in the card since he told me what he had written to me in cards earlier in our relationship was just "what he wanted to believe" and not how he felt or something. I don't know, I guess I will take it but not put much stock into it just like most everything else he says about me or his own feelings since they are so subject to change and so ambivalent. ←-

Perhaps he's like a lot of disordered people in that however he feels in the moment is the be all and end all. So if you're on his good side, you're going to get the good words, if you're currently on his bad side, you get the bad. You're getting someone who can't center his own self, and as a result blows hot and cold. Maybe don't put too much stock in either thing at this point?

Get the self care when and where you can I've learned to think on a different scale- though do the hobbies and take the time with friends, when that's an option. I was reading some Deepak Chopra stuff a while back, and there was quite a bit about meditating, nutrition (which doesn't mean a diet overhaul), self massage, and other things that constitute self care. There are a lot of little things we can do for ourselves throughout the day that don't require a lot of time, energy, or money- but they focus on us and our well being. For me right now, self care has been decluttering and streamlining the spaces that I'm responsible for- this is something I want that improves my quality of life. But like you indicated is the tendency, I let that slip for a long time because it was too much trouble, or not as important as other things “I should” be doing. It does get a bit easier as kids get older and more self-sufficient But never, never underestimate how important your own needs and wants might be- it doesn't make you selfish to honor yourself.

As for here, H looks like he's started to shift away from the hypomania, and back to a more depressive state. If so, then it's right on cue. It's still a little frustrating to be able to predict it, and be told (by both H and his providers) that my observations are incorrect and irrelevant- but there we are. Its pointless to focus on that though, just need to keep on living my life… which isn't necessarily a bad thing

Hope that you're doing well this week and moving in that forward direction, no matter how fast or slow that is.