Maybe the self loathing is more habitual than anything, and is really quite unnecessary. If it's habitual then it's probably ingrained into your psyche (the world plants adverse ideas into the culture in which you develop) but if it's more of a choice to think that way about yourself then it amounts to little more than a self torture session. Let it go, don't bother. Just keep trying to work on your goals, it's no ones business - and cultivate an inner calmness: it makes more sense.